I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The feeling are messing with the penis
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
