the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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