I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
