after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im holly from the hills drunk
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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