i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
