your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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