It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
