so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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