I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
