I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
