I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
