hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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