At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize