quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
