well you can't waste a boner
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
