Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
