you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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