do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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