Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
