I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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