god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
