so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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