So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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