Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize