god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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