what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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