bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
