Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
