hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
