when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
