I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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