Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize