Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
