I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
