i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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