How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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