I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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