You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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