jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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