Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We don't watch enough power rangers
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
