Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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