I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
