The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
