i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
