I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
