I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just come out here and I will go home with you...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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