If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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