if i can run in heels then i can drive
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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