i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
