i would punch a child for taco bell
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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