At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
