ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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