Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
try to milk me bitch
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