my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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