My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
