Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
