he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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