so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
