he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize