I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He did a backflip because drugs
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
