Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
