In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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