I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
