I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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