As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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