Soap is not a condiment
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
